w h a t i f

"what if our religion was each other, if our practice was our life, if prayer, our words. what if the temple was the earth, if forests were our church, if holy water- our rivers, lakes, and ocean. what if mediation was our relationships, if the teacher was life, if wisdom was self-knowledge. if adventure was the center of our being."

-ganga white

t h e e v e

from the eve of my 26th birthday-january 21, 2014

i sit here as the minutes tick by. eventually, time will indicate that another year has gone by.

tonight i have eaten nineteen reese's peanut butter cups, gave my sick husband a massage, and i am now watching junior (yes-the one where arnold schwarzenegger gets prego). i changed it after sitting down to a reality show that made it clear i wasn't beautiful enough, nor do i have enough money. sure, it is me comparing and my comparison rests on a fallacy, a downright lie perhaps. all beautiful, rich people are happy, successful, and never lonely. but this idealization does violence on my reality, so i choose not to watch that happen.

i am allowed to do this.

i'm getting older. what brought on my aging anxiety?

i find myself in a awkward state.
i don't identify myself with those younger. i am much more mature.
and i don't identify with those older as i will never age.

i am in a waiting stage. what happens next?

i have started to take notice that being young is rarely as freeing, and old-near as miserable, as the stereotypes would have me believe. but what is twenty six?

sitting here, i reflect on the last year, the twenty fifth year. it's happened. as i think about the last year, i wish i would have gone to bed earlier, made my husband more dinners, and put more focus into relationships.

goodbye 25th year.

by the way: who is reese? his peanut butter cups are my favorite.

s p r i n g

time to Rise

a birdie with a yellow bill
hopped upon my window sill,
cocked his shining eye and said:
"ain't you 'shamed, you sleepy-head!"

.robert louis stevenson.

the sun forgot to wake up today.

she’s sleeping amongst the clouds.

yesterday the same,

missing the first day of spring.

days like this fit my mood. 

i couldn’t wake up today.

in fact, i never can.

however, i could hear the wind above my dreams.

the husband said a little prayer

that the tree in the back would withstand the storm.

damn old tree.

it’s definitely spring

i would work from home if i could

lights off, windows open, records on.

i feel a necessary change happening.

like moving around furniture.

a new book to read, or maybe a hair change.

change is inevitable.

a sign of growth and improvement.

and change happens whether you make decisions or not,

something i have never been good at.

but the important thing is to have

someone that supports these changes.

because change is scary

and life is wild.

i got my husband a little surprise today
for being that person for me.

i can’t wait to get home and surprise him with it,

so farewell my lovely friends.

t h e b e s t t h i n g s i n l i f e

i needed several days of rest from the weekend we had.
the warm weather, hot tub, food, climbing,
and chatting around the fire with friends was just what this 
little heart needed.

but the concert. it was wild.
it was very wild.

sweet hannah over at 

stay gold 

tagged me in this post.
and because i completely agree that
the best things in life aren’t things,

here are my best things

1. my husband’s love
2. appreciation
3. weekends
4. the history of everyday people
5. the middle of nowhere
6. strong, graceful women
7. going home to a happy animal
8. goals
9. dark, starry nights
10. pictures

and because we missed tuesdays tunes,
enjoy..

"some call love a curse, some call love a thief 

but she's my home 

and she's as much apart for this broken heart, 

but see broken bones always seem to mend"

s a i n t v a l e n t i n e

eating the entire bag of candy your work gave you before 11 am is probably a sign that it is going to be a good day.

happy valentine’s day lovers… and haters.

to be honest i still have no idea what i am going to do for casey tonight. i am thinking station 22 vegan dinner (which i am going to pretend i made), the record player, old albums, candles, and some painting.

original I know.

you have to understand every day with this human is amazing.

i have never been more in love with that husband of mine than i am today.

i am sure i will say the same thing tomorrow.

there is nothing like lying in bed together in the late mornings,

howling and howling to get miss june to speak

and she just looks at us like we are idiots.
(probably what are neighbors think as well.)

or trying to sleep in the back of a van in the philippines

on a 3 hour car ride listening to rave music

with some germans, to jump in the ocean with 12 whale sharks.

we have just barely put an indent into the list of places we want to travel to.

we haven’t climbed the cliffs that we feel we need to.

we don’t have children.

and we sometimes spend money on climb gear rather than grown up things.

but i wouldn't change it for the world.

those moments of playing hangman in a park downtown korea,

where no one knows your language and no one from home knows where you are

makes you realize it’s you. and it’s him.

and that’s really all that matters.

“he’s more myself then i am. 
whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

emily bronte

“so love, you should know what to look for
and exactly where to go…

take your time and don’t worry about getting lost.
you’ll find me.
up there, a finger and two dots away.

if you’re wondering if i’ll still be able to hold you
…i honestly don’t know

but i do know that i could still fall for
a swish of light that comes barreling
and cascading towards me.

it will resemble your sweet definite hands.
the universe will bend.
the planets will bow.
and i will say “oh, there you are. i been waitin’ for ya. now we can go.”

a finder, two dots, then me.

derrick brown

g i v e

"blessed are those that give without interest."

i found this video on my friends blog. 

one day when I have millions of followers… ya know, like tomorrow… I want to become an ambassador for something like this.

that’s really all I want to do.

www.sevenly.org/